so let's get a closer now.

If there is one thing I've learned this year (most esp these past few months)... it's that life is too short to be unhappy. With circumstances beyond my control, I think I've managed to make myself think the worst in every person and/or situation I come across. I'm guilty of continuously over-analyzing people and situations. I come to conclusions about people I barely know. I have this problem with letting people get close to me. I just assume they have the worst intentions. I'm fairly distant and I just hate change.

That said.

I've always tried to live my life based on "being chill and laid back" and going with the flow, etcetc. And always keeping in clear view my morals, priorities, and future aspirations. Lately, it seems as if I've lost sight on that and I've fallen guilty to having a really shitty thought process. It was to the extent of which I thought everything was a joke. Ugh, I have to stop being a fucking spoiled princess.

Dear 2008,
I'm going to be happy.
Sincerely,
Me

mrs. oh my god that girl's shameless.

1. I'm going to be so fucking academic next semester.
2. I'm not going to go out on Thursday nights.
3. I'm going to go to bed earlier, as in 12am.
   
4. I will live in the library.
5. I need to get an internship in the summer.
6. And, I will most likely be taking classes.
7. Fuck me so badly.
8. Oh, and boy sucks.

I went to bed at 12pm today. And I woke up at like 10pm. My sleeping schedule is so fucked up. I love winter break.

ps: Oh and, I love my drunk asshole friends who try to facebook message the boy I like. Not funny. True story.

what's running through my mind is you.

I like you.

hopefully paris will change your life too.

So while doing the usual --let's look at everyone's away message slash AIM profile while I'm bored-- I realized I had to stop studying for finals. (Even though, I do believe I stopped studying today at like 2pm.) Seriously, don't be modest AKA LIE and tell me you don't AIM stalk too. Everyone does it, we're in the post-facebook stalker era. You know, when we all have to keep tabs on everyone else. Now, this brought me to a conclusion...

I find it a little bit funny that after four years of Lehigh, I will promise you that I won't be doing anything with my intended major. Now, you say... Wall Street. Who doesn't want to be on Wall Street? I mean that's a nice elite place and all, but I doubt I'll be there. Not because of "smarts," but pure lack of interest. I mean, I'm interested in the ~financials~, but not merely enough to devote my life to... aka looking at an updating clicker every 5 minutes.

I'm most likely going to be doing the shit what I'm doing now. Playing beruit at frat houses? Getting drunk off of L's gin buckets? Living in Uggs? Telling people what to buy. Blogging, for a living? Maybe it's not the $45,000+ dollar tuition a year I'm paying for out of my inheritance right now that is paying itself out in my Lehigh education. Maybe that $45,000 is paying for all the experiences I'm getting right now:

Learning how to make last cup.
Learning how the fuck to deal with girls.
Learning the difference between boyfriends and assholes.
Learning who my real friends are.
Learning to forgive and let go.
Still yet to learn how to pump my own gas.

Life is what I'm paying for. New experiences is what I'm paying for. I mean, it does make for a better entry, right? I think that the people who are most successful are the people who are genuinely happy. I really want to be one of those lucky assholes.

recap: The Hills finale sucked balls. No lie. But Lisa Love was refreshing, "It's my favorite city in the world. I ran away from home when I was 15 to go to Paris; it changed my life. Hopefully it'll change your life too. It's just magical. It's just a level of sophistication that you've never seen before. I think it'll be an incredibly inspiring trip for you." God love yah. Fucking FIERCE.

it's a lucious mix of words and tricks.

Wow, again sorry about my lack of motivation... life's been interesting to say the least. This past weekend was the last night out before the start of finals, so I very much so enjoyed that aspect. Got so extremely happy drunk Saturday night... which was made 10x better with Spice Girls playing. And wearing a dress and heels.

I had so much stuff to talk about but now I just either, 1) don't care anymore 2) am too lazy to put it to words 3) slash, and am just lazy and forgot. haha

Boys suck. So old pictures for now.

ps: God, I hate Tila Tequila. Her entire show should be on mute. She's annoying as fuck.

you can stand under my turkey.

I really enjoy Thanksgiving and even though (for the sake of generalizing) it's lost all meaning, I still manage to sit with my cup of tea, a cigarette (in my dreams, I'm at home), my macbook, and reflect on what I love about my life or the wonderfulness that lessens the horribleness in my life just a little bit.

1. My Uggs- classic short in chocolate. Seriously, the only reason why I love these fucks is because when it's a chilly (usually hungover) morning, I can slip these on and walk to my class. Lehigh is just that much better when you're on my feet. And football games. Well, Lehigh/Laf, you've managed to do your job. Honestly, the marginal utility that I get from you. That satisfaction is worth the $119.95 price.

2. Vanessa and Debra for teaching me the Soulja Boy dance. Honestly, no frat party OR ANY PARTY FOR THAT MATTER is a party without some asshole cranking that shit on loud. Yes, ma'am, I sure would like to "superman that ho."

3. Whowhatweardaily.com Seriously. LOVE this place. I look forward to their newsletters everyday! What they wore esp. I found out that Lilo ows a lot of the same stuff that I own. Plus, Peaches G is my fav. God love yah!

4. Gossip Girl. Blair is UES chic in a heartbeat. I grew up with girls like this. I'm best friends with a Nate, but truthfully I love the assholes. Chuck Bass if my type of guy. You and your scarves tease me. Honestly, I think this is going to be bigger than The O.C. because atleast the writers have a plot to which they can sort of follow. The O.C. was just a huge plot mess. AND HANDS DOWN, THE CLOTHES ARE SO MUCH BETTER ON GG. Plus, it's really cute when you see everyone referring to each other by their initials.

5. Life. And the miraculous privileges and opportunities it offers you. With that said, I leave you with pictures from this past weekend aka Lehigh/Laf.

Gossip Girl is watching,
xoxo j

up in the gym just working on my fitness.

I've always found it so interesting to ask why and when people started their bad habits. That said, I'm referring more specifically to smoking cigarettes. I remember sitting in fifth grade and having Officer Bob come in for those D.A.R.E programs... you know how it goes.

Say no to drugs.
Smoking kills.
Cocaine is bad.
Don't smoke pot.

But D.A.R.E. was a great first plunge into the "badness" of drugs. I think there should always be public funding for that program because it's good. I mean, I obviously can't argue the fact that smoking cigs are bad. But there's that superiority complex that I (and most people) have. "Oh, yes I smoke, but I'm not addicted!" And this brings me up to the funny and oh-so-lame story about why/when I started smoking.

I went to California for Spring Break, went to a club, saw some really badass looking people smoking. I mean, everyone who is anything smoked. These people where wearing pink tights, Milly tops, and carrying Chanel bags. That was the ~allure~ like a social status. Holding a Marlboro Light in between your index and middle finger, slowing moving it towards your mouth, inhaling, moving your hand, and exhaling. It's just such a sensual movement. And so classy.

Many people are surprised when they see me light up.
I consider myself a social smoker. You know, someone offers me a cig, I accept and smoke with them. I keep a pack on me nowadays, but I never smoke by myself. I mean, it took me a year to actually buy a pack for myself.

So when I smoke, I know that I'm doing something really bad for myself, but again, that complex just kicks in. "I'm not addicted. I'm a social smoker. I have will power so I won't be one of those people who smokes a pack a day. It's for fun. I just like the feel of it." All of which seem like pretty big flags for someone who is addicted. But, honestly, I'm not addicted to the nicotine just the appeal that I think it brings.

And that thing, that thing that I've scumbled to is the main thing to which I believe despite D.A.R.E.'s great presence in schools today, there's still a huge flaw. Teenage smoking is increasing in prevailing numbers. What's wrong with those D.A.R.E programs is that they aren't there to tell you that you don't or you won't feel just "that much cooler" by smoking a cigarette.

Sure it's bad, but what business gets done over eating a stick of celery?

you can be my new black kate moss tonight.

One of my favorite bloggers, Susana from The Stiletto Effect tagged me to "post 8 facts about yourself/things you love." And obviously you know how I'm never a person to pass up talking about myself... and this is obviously no exception. lol

1. I am absolutely obsessed with Lilo aka Miss. Lindsay Lohan. I don't think there is anyone else living on this world who can look so damn hot with blonde, brunette, black, or red hair. Seriously, she's gorgeous! I fully supported her during her post Mean Girls "plump" and pre "It Girl" party girl to BFFL with Paris and Nicole, her DUI rehabs, and her love for cocaine. Honestly, I will admit that I would trade lives with her in a second. Plus, she has such great fashion and style sense. Ugh. She's just so classy~

2. I've been featured on Mark Hunter's thecobrasnake two times while in California. They are currently my claim to fame slash my greatest achievements to date. Obviously, I'm not being that serious, but it's pretty fucking awesome to be featured on something that has changed the world through the way in which we view entertainment. His work, I believe, has huge influence over fashion and that usually underground aspect of club/scene/LA/NYC/Japan nightlife that most people who aren't a part of, fail to see. In ~that world~ I'm someone completely different than a regular college student. It's pretty fucking ridiculous, and the ecstasy high, isn't that bad either. Being a pretentious LA hipster is ballin'.

3. I am the "perfect cookie cutter rock fan" as told by a random frat boy. I mean, isn't that where you find the most honest opinions of you? When you're standing next to a gin bucket, about to have a chug-off? What a night. Anyways, as intoxicated as I was, I was still highly insulted that he called me that. I mean, music is music, and when someone tells you that the music you like is "so typical" of other people slash everyone else, what are you to say? No I don't go on last.fm, click on similar artist and force myself to listen to those artists because they're widely acclaim. Ew, fuck no. But, this brings me up to something I've been raving about. Radiohead. Most of you guys should know that Radiohead's In Rainbow was a pick your own price download. Honestly the best social experiment ever. Greenwood stated candidly, "It's fun to make people stop for a few seconds and think about what music is worth, that's just an interesting question to ask people." What price do you put on music made by the best band in the world?

4. I hate beer. 'nough said.

5. Bill Watterson is a genius. Calvin and Hobbes is undoubtedly the best comic strip ever. What's said is that there are hundreds of comic strips out there, and maybe like four are actually good. Thankfully, I have his wit and dry humor evidenced on my book shelf. Yes, I have all his collector editions books. Calvin's a smart boy but only chooses to be an asshole. (My kind of man.) What makes Calvin and Hobbes the best is the ability to make you laugh your ass off. It's so honest and relative. Moreover, what makes it fantastic is its ability to evoke emotions that seem so far-fetched from just a simple comic strip. Need proof? Here. I did that with my Macbook really quickly, read across. Pure genius.

6. I wish I was taller. 5'7" to be accurate. As a result, I mastered high-heels in fifth grade. Seriously, four-inch heels are nothing out of the usual. I'm usually that asshole who no matter what occasion, decides to wear heels. See me shopping for groceries (which I so don't) but if you happen to, I'm wearing heels. Please, give me my Manolos or Jimmy Choos any day. Flats are for pussies. And plus, they make your legs look SO sexual. I mean, who really wants to pass up extremely sexy legs? Be warned, I love my shoes.

7. I love giving people nicknames and quoting from movies. Mean Girls is usually the typ. But, anything goes. "Cady, will you please tell him his hair looks sexy pushed back?"

8. So lame, I know. But I'm obsessed with blogging. This, is of course, considering I skipped all my classes on Friday and instead, started this entry. And, I've just gotten back from a Corporate Hoes and Ceo's frat party... smoked cloves for the first time (thanks L) and got wicked drunk. Typical. I'm on my Macbook finishing my entry. That's some damn mother effing dedication folks. But you know, I wouldn't have it any other way...

Good night, I really need to pass out.

he was a rebel without a cause.

It really sucks when your friends have to turn to your blog to figure out what's going on in your life. Sorry about that. School is like killing/raping/murdering me right now... it's examination week and I manage to focus my time (ie LAST NIGHT) on spring break destinations. Seriously. I've pretty much screwed up this semester and am at the point where I' m a lost cause. Right now, I'm just walking to class, sitting there and trying to stay awake, going back to my house, sleeping, and smoking my lungs out.

You know how people are like, "you usually change your major atleast once" while in school or whatever. Well, I laughed that bs off because I thought I knew since I was little what I wanted to do with my life... and apparently at Lehigh. Double major in Finance and Supply Chain Mgt. Intern at Neimans/Saks. Do editoral work for Condé Nast. Be a buyer for Bergdorf. So basically what I want to do with my life... doesn't really match up with the $45grand I'm spending at Lehigh for my degree. I mean, SCM kinda (and I'm pushing that) has to deal with buying. But there's a big dif between fashion forecasting and predicting how much steel you need for a Boeing airplane.

I might just do Supply Chain Mgt and Journalism. Or communication. I don't know yet. But, I need the Finance major or that $45grand goes for nothing. SCM is pretty much bs. It just pisses me off that I still have to suffer through shit like accounting. I mean, yes, everyone needs a general idea of what accounting is, but I spend an entire day on 5 problems. It's kind of ridiculous.

Or maybe, I should just drop out of school.
Move to NYC or LA.
Go around town on a bike and/or public transportation.
Live off my parents' money.
Do charity work by day.
At night
Smoke and become a hipster.
Get ridiculously skinny like old times by not eating.
That will be my contribution to mankind.
I'll have so much time to update my blog.

... it sure beats reading about "lehigh"

Ugh. I have to figure out my spring schedule. Not. Fun.

every boy every girl, spice up your life.

At 10am this morning all mayhem went lose ie, the Spice Girls sent out emails announcing their new tour dates and links to ticketmaster.com. Being the loverly drunkard that I was, I woke up at 1pm made lunch, watched some Dr. 90210 and then turned on my computer and checked my email. FUCK!

All floor and lower level seatings where sold out. And, the price for those seats got set into the next tier seating. Sucks so much ass, now I'm not really a concert whore, but I am very much upset that I couldn't get my ideal seating, and perhaps sell other tickets on ebay for 2000 grand. Which brings me up to another point...

Hannah Montana, for those of you who are blessed to not know of this creature, I hate you. I don't even know what HM is or that of Miley Cyrus a little annoying 14 year old girl who I can't stand. People are flipping out about her and her ticket prices are ridiculous, totally not credible or even worthy of a Spice Girls ticket. Whatever, she's going to be another Disney fuck-up, Hill Duff or Lilo. You know, shed a lot of pounds and then pick up a form of substance abuse.

But for now, I must pout. Boo you whore.

and it was just getting a little quiet.

Welcome home LILO.

what if you change it back?

I promise I'll update real soon guys. It's just been way too hectic. But I'm loving the shopping I've been doing. Not so much school tho.

a weight is lifted on this evening.

Long overdue. A bad drunk finally occurs at the perfect timing! First week. Smack right early in the year. It's just so simple keeping everything boggled together. Less conflict. Less confrontation.

I DO try my very best and "sacrifice." But what do I get in return? It sucks that I think of this and have these feelings but, I'm stretched too thin. All I want to do is go peace out and leave and just go somewhere else. And that's not even an option.

I just don't trust them. Yet. I don't want to give them a chance to prove themselves right or wrong. It's a pretty ridiculous thing to say, and I'm sorry about it. But, whatever. What's done is done. And what I feel is more important that what the hell people think. There's a few people that I absolutely would love to be all ~*bffl*~ with.

And.
I've.
Tried.

But, I put more into it than I get back. Actually, I don't think I get anything much back? A conversation during dinner? WHEE!

I think I'm being taken advantage of.
I'm selfish.
Thank you and goodbye.

fuck the benz, what are you a soccer mom?

So I've been back at Lehigh since this past Wednesday. And it's already been a headache. If this is any indication of the school year, I'm going to be quite upset. I don't know where to begin, but let me start by saying how much of a push over I can be.

It's say how damn hypocritical people are. I just want to move to NYC and live there.

Ugh, classes start tomorrow and I'm so nervous/anxious/scared about my classes MY MAIN PROBLEM WITH COLLEGE IS BUYING TEXTBOOKS. Seriously, you've got to be shitting me when you want me to pay $160+ for a damn book that 1. is poorly written and 2. the teacher doesn't even use. Enough of that rant, not having a car truly sucks on campus. I want to go to Philly a couple times this year. Bethlehem just isn't doing it for me. Ugh.

It's been like 5 days already and I'm sick of the drama?
But I do love the whole "getting ready" thing... new notebooks, pens, hi-lighters.

What's ridiculous is not being a freshman and having new people who think they are "the shit" and have the right to be rude/not respectful. I mean, going out and seeing freshmen girls act all high and mighty and yell back at upperclassmen. Seriously, do you really want to do that?

Ugh, people just need to get hold of themselves and not get so overboard. You're not that ~*hot*~

supersize the wisdom, hold the cholesterol.

Another day, attention ladies and gentlemen.... I'm one year older (and not far away from) graduating college, getting a job, moving out, and dare I say it, falling in love? haha. How lame and sentimental of me. But, you see, this is what becoming ~*19*~ has impart me with. I have become filled with wisdom. Actually, this concept is just taking a toll on my anxiety. Better not drink tonight.

I don't know, maybe my childhood or these past few years of me growing up has shaken me up. But in like 4 years or so I will be moving out on my own, paying my own bills and with much doubt, SUCCESSFULLY LEARN TO SAVE. What's up with that reality? This whole independent thing already is making me feel now, more than ever, how dependent I am to my parents.

Today, surprisingly enough was also my last day of my first job ever. I mean, yes it was only for the summer but still it was quite an experience. I think there's just stuff like this that you can't even put a price. An education can't replace that. Real life experiences, making mistakes and learning from them. And how ironic it was that on my birthday-- I learned something quite extraordinary....

Don't cheat.
Don't cheat yourself.
Don't cheat others.
Don't cheat life.
And most importantly, don't fake it.

Happy Birthday jess, ps: you do realize you better work your ass off these next few years. The real world's a bitch.

meet me where 8th and ocean cross.

Can I even begin to digest no pun intended how much has happened in just 4 weeks? Sorry for the long hiatus, I've been too busyLAZY! You can thank me throwing up this entire morning for actually signing onto my laptop. But I've been meaning to update... you know when something occurs and all you think is, "Where's my wireless connection? I need to put this incredibly wise, head scratcher post up."

I've gone to thinking that all this "fashion is what defines you/find your own style blahblah" … all that Vogue and TeenCosmo "style on a budget" concept that any girl can have is a load of bs. Honestly, how can an 18 year old find any practicality in fashion let alone finding your personal style? No to Abercrombie tops and Bebe capris. Maybe I'm overlooking something major and this is all just a mistake, but how can I manage to find my style and actually execute and put it together when something I want for my look is a 200 plus Marc by Marc Jacobs blouse? Yes, I'll admit, maybe it has something to do with brand snobbery, but regardless, it's your own style. And most likely, your parent's money.

Now, my whole practicality argument. Fashion for me is just not practical. Style on a budget is impossible. And, I'm not saying that I want to fill my closets up with Chanel and Phillip Lim. But it's just so hypocritical to say that to be stylish, you've got to shell out so much money. I yearn for a pair of boots that cost 290 only to which I can’t wear in college because it will be a bitch to walk to class in and even so, going out on weekends is a no-no because no one would dare wear Blahniks to a college frat party.

So where am I stuck?

get off the bandwagon.

So much for an enjoyable 4th of July weekend. haha There's nothing like getting bugspray on an entire side of your louis vuitton purse to make you freak the shit out, post on thepurseforum, and drive to 7-11 at 12am in hopes of finding non-alcoholic baby wipes.

Just for future reference, they don't sell it


... oh, and Shoprite opens at 7am.

give me something to believe in.

Sometimes I regret not going to school in nyc. Especially when it comes to some great only in New York experiences. --fashion department internship at Interview magazine... or Cosmopolitan? Wow. Seriously, I've built my door of opportunities, I'm just thousands of miles away from the building.

In these past few days, I've managed to do exceptionaly well on my Rutgers statistics midterm, make a record amount in commission at Nordstrom and be on Lehigh's dean's list for the spring 07 semester. Life is looking good despite the fact that I've scumbled to my own demons. But that's more than you need to know.

If I can make it there, I'm gonna make it anywhere.

someone who can bring me back to you.

I started crying/tearing up while working at Nordstrom today. I saw a little Asian girl with her parents and her grandmother sitting by the cafe eating. I mean, I was just watching their every action and slowly becoming so insanely jealous of that little baby. Creepy, I know, but I miss my grandmother so much.

she tore my feelings like I had none.

I was literally having the best day ever today. I mean, work was slow, but I was entertained. Long behold, mother came and we went shopping... a tiffany necklace, lock and key piece totaling $600+, I was on a high. The adrenaline was rushing through my entire body as I went to my favorite stores and picked out several items that I really liked. I was in my happy place. This is, of course, was the cherry on top to the possibility of me getting my favorite Chanel bag for 20% off. That incredible joyous feeling was still lingering from this morning.

Then I lost my cellphone, and the panic begins.
Honestly, people have great stories about losing their cells, forgetting it in a taxi club after coming back from Roxy. But, NO. I so happen to leave it somewhere in the Short Hills Mall... that is after searching through a pile of trash in the backroom of Au Bon Pain.

I am not a happy camper.

What goes around comes back around.

you and me could change the world.

This whole thing about me getting a job and taking courses is not turning out as smoothly as I originally planned. But I'm not going to bitch about that nonsense.

Nordstrom is fun, commission based sales is a bitch yet quite exciting. I'd rather do personal shopping but I have already started to lease my talents out... $20/hour and I'll revamp your entire wardrobe or find the perfect ensemble for you to wear to somewhere ~*fancy*~!

Social life is keep-keepkeeping alive... hah I barely have anytime to relax, let alone see anyone but I'm getting there. My loverly ki, sm, and others this past weekend. It was fun. And obvi the daily sex & the city gang. Okies that will do... I'm way to bothered to actually upload/post pictures.

Lazy.

ps: Oh and it kinda bugs me that Lily Allen thinks she's ugly/not pretty. Yeah, just bugs me a litle bit...

pps: Shameless promotion, JUNE 6 = Nordstrom Women + Children sale. GO GO GO!

could I take you for a car ride?

So I wake up today at 6:15pm ish, check email, and my lehigh course has been moved to 8-9am or pm. WTF, is there no solidarity for scheduling? I already planned my entire summer schedule/work and whatever based upon the dates/times I was given. I hate last minute changes. I'm way too overly anal/ocd about that stuff.

Friday was hs prom + that whole deboggle. I'm basically stalking fb/untag. I have a feeling my summer is gonna suck. Minus the fact that I'll be buying a new chanel or balenciaga. And I'm def getting the mbmj wrislet in the post below. It's just sitting at Nordstroms waiting for me to buy it. Hopefully, it'll go on sale? Oh my god. BEAUTIFUL.

I start my 3 day training tomorrow. I need to call to find out how I exactly get inside. The mall opens at 10, but I have to be there at 8am.

I need to get a haircut. Getting way too long, I want to either dye it dark brown or jet black almost blue.

ps: Grey's Anatomy sucks now. But, holy crap Sandra Oh can act.

she works hard for the money.

So I got the job at Nordstrom! Yeah, I had my 3rd (and final interview) today with Glenn, store manager. It was fun. We got along great and he absolutely loved me. Sorry if I'm tooting my horn. He said he wouldn't be surprised if I became the next CEO. LOLZ

Training starts next week (T-Th) and my summer courses begin that Thursday. Busybusybusy. I'm kinda scared for my summer. Will I have time to play? Work+Study+FUNTIME? Only time will tell...

Nevertheless, I'll leave you with what I'll be spending my loverly new found cash.

ps: She's a cheerleader, she's a virgin and she's really tan. On day two I fucked her; she's such a slut! (The Teenagers)

we're planning on showing off our dresses.

Mother's Day was fun. Don't remember much, went to a buffet, it was packed. I really don't get the point of buffets... is it really necessary for oneself to stuff themselves full to the point of rediculousness for 20 bucks a pop? REALLY? I'm not a fan, but the froyo was pretty great.

Had my first job interview earlier today at Nordstrom. I wanted to work in the collectors department (D&G, Just Cavalli, Missoni), but they're not hiring and they're all full year. Sucks. BP is quite competitive and I have a shot. I don't want to see 2398479 spoiled middle/high school girls. Or clean up dressing rooms/fold clothes.

Anyways, it's a 3 part process and I have an interview tomorrow w/ the head of Accessories. I'll prob most likely end up there. Though just for the record, I'm a little disappointed because I think Nordstrom's handbag department is quite dismal, on-line is much better.

A little part of me is kind of regretting that I didn't apply to either Saks or Neimans. Higher-end would be more suitable, career wise. Oh well, there's always next summer?

short and sweet to the soul i intend.

So I've been too lazy to figure out why I haven't had internet access for the past week? Whatevers. My dad's out of the country and my bro came home from uni today. Thus, INTERNET! And on that, my razr has been dead. It's quite wretched. Sometimes, you just need to disconnect with being "in the loop" in the know. Whatevers. My apologies for being mia.

I've been using this week to relax and catch up on my loverly shows. For all you junkies, I just need to vent my frustrations:

• Veronica Mars: This has got to be the most underrated show on tv right now. It's unmistakably one of the best, whitty shows that I've seen focused for a younger audience. The character chemistry is fantastic and it is very well written. I love Kristen Bell and I'm obsessed with her, esp her recent plot line with Chris Lowell (Piz). I'm assuming he will be written out of the script since he's set to be on the Grey's Anatomy spin-off. Good for him. Though, VM will be at a loss, esp for all the Piz-oniva fans.
  
  
• America's Next Top Model: I for one, can not stand Tyra Banks. But I do love this show. Okay, I've predicted since the beginning Natasha was going to win. I think she's quite fabulous, though her "story" and her background does suck and isn't very good AMERICA'Sntm. But, minus that... I can't stand Renee. I think she's fake and Jaslene just pisses me off. I don't think she's pretty at all, more manly if that. "Oh, I want this sooo badly. Blahblahblah." You suck. If Renee or Jaslene, I'll be pissed.

the summertime girls got it going on.

I've been trying to get my bittorrent hands on Factory Girl. Sienna Miller is just such an intriguing character and well, the movie seems to remind me of a la Almost Famous mode. Anyways, I'm very much determined to see it, if not the acting, then the fashion itself. And plus, who can't laugh at the 10 seconds of fame that has become of Mary-Kate Olsen? Seriously she's in the back scene admiring a piece of work. Oh irony!

Okay, so summer hasn't really hit full swing, though I've already returned to my partying/Paris Hilton ways. lolz Nevertheless, I've been going to bed like at 5 in the morning and waking up at 6pm just in time to watch Friends. And rinse and repeat.

It's time to buckle down. What exactly do you have in mind? It's the carbs. All the mother god-awful carbs. All those lovely frat parties and social events. Who seriously googles the nutritional facts of Natty Lite? Guilty.

We keep it classy.

if you ain't got no money take yo broke ass home.

Wow, it's been a while since my last post. Not that there's really much reader following, but hey a girl can dream. lolz! Now, my freshmen year at uni is officially over. Well almost, I'm sitting in the libs right now. I'm leaving tomorrow, and still have yet to pack. Which honestly, I don't know how to begin/start/DO. Lame, I know.

These past "year" has been quite interesting. I don't even know where to being-- and honestly I think the whole experience is too "there are no words to sum up everything" because I know once I even attempt to write a whole post about the past few months, I WILL forget/leave something out. And I just don't have the patience to sort out everything.

Let's just say, it's been a soul searching worth-while trip. I've learned a lot (about myself, my friends, my relationships, etc) this year. And hopefully, I grew up a little bit. It's been painful, tough, fun, bitter-sweet. I'm going to miss this year.

ps: SCREW all my friends who went to Coachella. I guess I just don't have the balls to pull something like that off. Next year maybe? I'll work on it.

pps: I'll have a summer post next. Don't fret mates.

i want to read good news, good news.

1. FINISH MY PAPER
2. PROOFREAD IT
3. PROOFREAD THREE OTHERS
4. WRITE A INTRO AND CONCLUSION
5. ADD IN TRANSITIONAL SENTENCES WHERE NECESSARY
6. MAKE A POWERPOINT
7. STUDY FOR CHINESE EXAM TOMORROW
8. STUDY FOR ENVIROSCI EXAM THURSDAY
9. GET SHITFACED ON THURSDAY, 4PM BC I DID WELL ON ALL MY ACADEMIC STUFF THIS WEEK.
10. OR GET SHITFACED TO FORGET HOW BADLY OF A FAILURE I AM.

PS: MOM 2, JESS 4!

with my friends in the new mercedes-benz.

Things to look foward too!

• GREEK WEEK! (even though I won't be able to drink)
  
• chinese essay
• chinese exam
• envirosci exam
• econ problem set
  
• bis111 project/paper/presentation thing
• theta FORMAL!
• alumnae tea party
• senior appreciation week!
  
• english final paper
• last day of classes!
• FINAL EXAMS!
  
• economics final
  
• envirosci final
  

Please call me to keep me sane. Thanks.

roll down with abandon and no understanding.

So yet again, I'm at lindy. Surprise, surprise? Anyway, today was fall07 registration, which I just barely survived. I'm waitlisted for 1 class that I need bc of the professor. lol, lame. Even more to be upset about, I'm pissed that I didn't get an A on my last econ 4o'clock. Yeah. Blergh, I should have done better than that. There's nothing worse than letting yourself down.

I've been going to bed at 2am these past days. Argh.

if it's true then tell me how it got this way.

• It's April. It snowed.
• Fall 07 registration is Tuesday. All the class I want/plan on taking are MWF. I can't make a half decent schedule. Well, either I get good teachers and have all my 5 classes on MWF with the likely possibility of an 8am-er. Or I get the bad teachers and have a more "normal" schedule. Looks like my sophomore fall semester is going to suck ass. HELLO 8AM AND 5 STRAIGHT CLASSES!
  
• I have an interview with Nordstroms on May 14th!

edit/ So yeah, I just really looked at the scheduling for next year. I'm so screwed. I can't even possibly have a schedule with the best teachers. This sucks. I seriously would do 8-4 MWF if I could have the best teachers. I don't care now. Damnit bitches.

just call me paris and hold your flash.

Call it karma or bad luck, but something's wrong. I feel my world is not in balance and I can't put my finger on why. I can't shake this feeling... it's been going for a while and it's driving me nuts. I just keep on getting fucked over/screwed etc. This is just not fair WHAT THE FUCK.

It's just rediculous. I've become so damn nice and everything this semester. Been the perfect person and stuff. But seriously everything's is just out of place. Life is just screwing me so badly. And it just sucks. On top if it... I just want to puke my brains out. And I look like shit and I like a boy.

I applied online for a job/internship this weekend at Nordstroms one at Anthropologie. I got called by Nordstroms today, she left a vm. But yeah, apparently the internship is for people entering their senior year. Which she so mentioned was 'their fault' and that I should call her. Fuck! But yeah, I guess I'll just get a sales job there. And I'm def taking courses to get ahead with my major. This summer is going to be interesting. I'm sort of excited.

Why am I dealing with this shit? Just suck it up ok. Three more years of just working your ass off, 3 more years before you're out of PA, and 3 more years before you get your dream job. And hopefully go to grad school at Upenn.

about being honest with yourself.

Let me just clarify, if you haven't noticed already. I'm not a fan of confrontation. As much as I love drama, (the thing is) I am never the one to start it. 'Cause I'm classy like that! lol So everyone who thinks I'm a bitch... yes I am, but that's only if I don't like you. And that's why I love being a girl so much besides the purses, shoes, acessories, and dresses. The way we fight is absolutely, fantastically-stellar!

I can't believe I'm dedicating a whole entire post to this. But it's gotten to a point where it's rediculous. I'm not your fucking paparazzi. If you want pictures of your ugly self (for facebook), take your own camera out. K? I seriously don't need anymore files on my laptop of you. Don't abuse the fact that I carry my camera around. I have no patience for, "Oh, take a picture of me!" Seriously.

I've got to stop drinking diet coke. blerghhh

no answers for what was asked, you're all alone.

This weekend has probably beeen one of the hardest ever. I just want to say thank you to everyone who has been so supportive and there for me. It's tough and I'm not saying it's going to get any less 'harder.' Friday, the rain made it seem like the whole world was in mourning. Saturday, I don't know what to say... it was beautiful? and that's a stretch. Can something like that... a funeral, "a celebration of that remarkable individual" ... can that even be beautiful?

People say that time heals everything, but what is there to heal if someone isn't physically in your life everyday? What do you do with that apparent gap? Where do you go to replace that feeling? What do you do when you don't have that person you love? What do you do? What do you say? What you think? What do you feel?

You feel empty. That's for sure.

the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy.

Happy first day of spring! Minus the fact that it's cold and windy outside.

I've been an emotional fruitcake these past few days. I've just wanted to waste my life sleeping and/or napping. St. Patty's was fun, minus the shit loads of fucking snow that ruined half the original plans for the weekend. Stayed in on Friday after I got bad news. Ps: Thanks to all those people who actually care and give a damn about me. Sat... let's just say tequila still overcomes life's harshest battles.

Exams are this and the upcoming week and I could not be any more out-of-the-loop or NOT IN THE MOOD to study. I just want for it to be summer. We're in the long stretch. I still have yet to figure out wtf my plans are for Coachella, jw brought me tickets, but it's the shittest timing ever. Damn Lehigh exam scheduling! Speaking of Lehigh... I figured out romming/roommate for next year! Yay, kp! So excited for our PLAYBOY suite.

Shit, I should be studying for my envirosci exam tomorrow.

Not really breaking news, but it's not really a "ps:" I think I'm officially in love with my economics professor. He's Austrialian, good looking, oh did I mention he has a wife in NYC? My bad.

she's buying a stairway to heaven.

rest in peace 3/16/2007

If I could tell the world just one thing it would be that we're all okay. And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful and useless in times like these. - Jewel

I grew up with you taking care of me, even though you where the one who really need to be looked after. Our roles always managed to switch as I always seemed to be the one who looked after everyone else. I loved going to places with you beacuse you where always so generous and always looked at the good in people. You gave everyone the benefit of the doubt and I was always so skeptical about this. Your love for gambling rubbed off on me. You where always so strong and full of life. You spoiled me with your attention and, not surpisingly, I would get frustrated, annoyed, and perhaps took you for granted.

There was some much more ahead for you to see: to see me grow up, to see me accomplish all my life's goals, and for me to eventually find myself. Everything I do now, it is for you and you're always in my thoughts. You stood up for me when I was pushed by other influences and when I was making some bad decisions. And for this, I thank you. You're my angel. I miss you and love you terribly.

that's what everyone's talking about.

So what's up with the weather? It was 75degrees on Wednesday and now it's snowing. Righttt! So much for putting away my Coach boots. Uhm, hopefully this weekend will be fun. Seriously, I'm not going to drink anymore until after all my exams are done. Haha. St Patty's day better make up for all the stress I'll have to deal with for the rest of the semester. Na and dvnb where supposed to come on Sat but I don't think they can. (?) We'll see about this. Missing out girls!

It's a long stretch til freshmen year is over. What else is there to look for? A couple of things. And some things that need fixing.

I've just been feeling so closed here. Maybe the city is really where I should belong. I mean everyone says that. There's only that much fun you can get from "the hill." So over it. Well except when there's hard liquor involved. hah USC was my #1 school, but the job placing sucks there. NYU's a close, but it's a bitch and 1/2 getting into Stern. If I was only smart enough to get into Upenn.

ac: You know you made it big when you go to a house party in the BRidge and some girls come up to you and say, "Holy shit, your picture is hanging in the Short Hills Nordstroms!" representHOLLA!

but you don't know which page to turn to?

Spring break has come and gone. So much for my high hopes of catching up on school work. haha. I guess that's what today is for. I'm back at Lehigh and not liking how my college years will be jipped because of Lehigh's inability to give us more days off. Seriously, not cool.

Had a lot of fun. And became nocturnal as usual: get home at 5am, wake up at 5pm, and repeat. Oh man. Most people where still at school, but had fun at fit and others. Spent Fri and Sat with some high school kids at a "random hotel in dirty jerz." hah. And other unspeakable things.

One day back and I'm already off to a bad start. So much for not freaking out about this semester. Holy crap, I already have my envirosci exam next week. And then, econ and info system exams following. I am so not on top of things and from the looks of it, this is going to be pretty shitty.

ps: I'm never going to forget this past week. Sm, I miss you. Snort Blow 07=Poor life decisions.

open up your eager eyes.

If there is one thing I can't stand is when other people use my stuff without asking. It's not even a fact that I'm not going to let you use it, I just want to be given the courtesy of being *asked* if you could borrow it. I don't know, maybe I'm a spoiled-selfish little brat. But, what's mine is mine, you can borrow shit, just fucking ask. /end rant

This weekend was so much fun. Friday saw a bunch of people that I actually like. Went to Cheesecake Factory where I told cj that she wouldn't be able to eat an entree and dessert. Yeah, I won. And that is why the rule is always order the desert first, than split an entree. lol. Saw sf, hj, na, dvdb, and lr. Had a really fun time catching up with all of them. Then it was way too early to get to as's house, so went to a Dunkin' Donuts run with cj and lr.

Seriously, hazelnut coffee is the shit. Had a large and that basically made my night, I went to bed at like 6am I was so hyped up from the caffeine. Too bad Lehigh doesn't sell hazelnut coffee... but yeah, I would spend way too much money on that. I already buy two cups a day here.

Then I'm too lazy/busy to go into the rest... considering I already wasted a paragraph talking about hazelnut coffee. Let's just say, it was great to be home. I do love my BARBIECO. And I'm so freaking excited/looking foward to Spring Break. :)

send me some guidance from above.

RIP The O.C.
2003-2007

Why I'm going to miss this show:

• People are always going to talk, you might as well give 'em something good to talk about. - Hands down, the best lesson I've ever learned.
• Seth Cohen - I will be comparing boys to you for the rest of my life.
• Mischa Barton's 3234 Chanel bags
• Seth + Summer / Rachel + Adam - Let's really not get started to how obsessed I am with these two. Alteast they end up together in fiction.
  
• The time when Summer's on the yacht and realizes that she likes Seth.
• Summer saying "Ew!"
• California here we come, right back where we started from.
  

ego's attempt to make it all clean and nice.

So today roughly 6pm I signed away my soul for $515.

Fuck, I really want to puke. Stress=massive amounts of coffee and no food. I really don't feel well. My stomach hurts. Hopefully I'll pass out by the end of these next 2 weeks.

so lock the kids up safe tonight.

So the weekend's over, back to work/exams/school/being overly-stressed. Ugh, my stomach hurts like a bitch. I really haven't been feeling well. I'm like emotionally and physically exhausted. Mentally I need a break. I just want to not be tied down by hour and have the freedom to do whatever I want. The whole p-thing is coming full circle, I just need to suck it up (for the time remaining). I guess I'm happy. Still indecisive.

Haven't been keeping up with London FW, but I'll probably skim through the collections this weekend. I miss my magazines, friends, and my house. Most likely I'll be coming home too! YAY!

Happy Chinese New Year, btw.

doctor to shake a waking nightmare.

I'm dreading these next two weeks. I've been extra overly-anal about it, making up 3982394 schedules of days by the hour. Yes. That's me! Anyway, if there is someone out there who wants me to succeed in life this greater power better make sure that I make it through. I just want time to stop so I can seriously fix up all the broken things in my life. And that does include cleaning my insanely messy room. Anal/OCD isn't really a good shade for me. GBYE SANITY.

Went to the mall on Sat with dh, is, and lw... it was pretty fun spending the whole day with them. Got shittarted as ac uses it. Earlier that day we where doing the whole p-thing. Drama unfolded, yet again. Didn't make the dance team tryouts on Sun- but that just enforces the fact that I'm an ex-ballerina circa 6 years. But... I am looking foward to Sat as hopefully it will be a good night/time. Still debating the Nicole Miller dress/wanting to go back to the mall/knowing I should spend that time studying for exams.

But, in all this chaos, let us not remember the "good ole days." Oh President's Day weekend '06, how do I miss you. RIP. Yes, I'll be thinking about you. There's always next year? I'll probably make another post regarding this... but honestly, IT'S FUNNY HOW MUCH THINGS CHANGE IN A YEAR. I'm so sad about this- it just sucks so much. And everything else is just going downhill.

ps: And yet another reason why it sucks to be attending university in Bethlehem, PA.
1) freezing cold temperature 2) wind that never gives up 3) absolutely no snow days 4) classes still held during four o'clock exams 5) missing hitting the la scene 6) not getting photographed

echoes of angels who won't return.

There's nothing like missing Chinese food and going to UC to buy their American style greasy/oily overly sauced sesame chicken and fried rice. But, what made it pretty sweet was the lovely fortune cookie. Flashbacks to The Simpsons with Homer being employeed as a fortune cookie writer and sitting with a huge typewriter with every Chinese character. Oh, good times.

If you know where the title is from, seriously best forgotten teenybopper. Moving on... much to my dismay, I will not be going to Boston for president's weekend. Sucks. I'm so bummed out. But, I guess there's other things to look foward to. YAY 4o'clock exams!

I'm finally going shopping since like the beginning of January. I'm excited, not going to lie. Even though the Lehigh Valley Mall sucks (even compared to Willowbrooke). There's an Abercrombie, so it's not the complete ghetto? hah. I'm seriously keeping it low key.

ps: For the previous post, I was going to do pictures, but that involved me using photoshop and actually putting effort into the design. Take my word for it.

so why can't I turn off the radio?

Phillip Lim: effortless, wearable, chic, stroll in the city.
Jill Staurt: modernality Russian crisp silhouettes.
Chris Benz: toned colour usage and worthy of mustard yellow.
Naeem Khan: extreme in it's finest length.
Oscar de la Renta: disorganized collection overall, but pieces in and of itself are ageless.
Marc Jacobs: ironically simple, one dimensioned, intentional concept to which sets fashion week.

gone and you'll be going nowhere fast.

I want to go to Coachella so badly! So much for the 249+ price tag and airfare. And the fact that I'll prob have to stay with ck or ml. But then I'll finally end up on lj as that azn that disappeared oh-so-suddenly. Lovesloves.

This weekend was bad/good. I'm never the one to get into details, but what's done is done. The only productive thing I did last week was my fucking laundry. And I still have yet to take it out of the basket and put it in my closet/drawers. I have reached a new (laziness) low. I've missed 2 econ lectures in a row. FUCK.

I want to go to Melbourne to visit a friend. Seriously it would be so damn sick/fun. We'd go shopping, clubbing, and bar-hopping. It's damn tempting, I'm not gonna lie. But going alone is pretty sketchy.

PS: I drank coffee. Eh fuck that.

or did she ever really matter?

So today I had my last cup of Starbucks. I really am going to stop drinking coffee because 1) I've either become immune to the caffeine or 2) it just screws me up.

I had to force myself to go to class today. I love how I just wear sweats now, so badass right? My room's a mess and I'm too lazy actually to do laundry. It's not turn into a huge bet to see how long it will last. I guess I'll do it tomorrow. Lately I've become way overstressed/scheduled. The whole p-thing is taking it's toll on me. I just hate not being in control over stuff I want to do and etc.

Fuck not attending college in NYC... I want to go to Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week so damn badly but I can't miss classes. What sucks even more is that the shows I want to see are all during the weekdays (ie: de la Renta 2/5, Zac Posen 2/8). And Marc Jacobs is sopposed to be doing a private showing, to which I'll be missing out. Completely not cool. We'll see scheduling. And there's also the whole PresDay weekend: Boston, MA or Bethlehem, PA?

sometimes my head wants to explode.

So I have to stop binge eating. It's pretty fucking nasty.

you really understand boundaries.

"But, babe, guys are always going to be there. This school isn't. It's more important. It has to be more important. You will kick your own butt later if you blow this." - GG

the more you say the more I'm at ease.

I'm so sick of the fucking printer system at Lehigh. Oh my god. Why did my printer run out of ink? And why did I forget to tell my dad to bring an ink cartridge when I had the chance too?

See right now I feel like I'm "behind" in stuff (hw etc) and that I have a lot of stuff to do/finish. But, I think that I'm actually like "good." But yeah, maybe I should just read my econ / envir sci chapters?

The parents came today which was really nice. Had a great conversation with both of them over dinner. And learned a lot about the family/secrets/drama that's beeng circulating recently. Now, I just have to read the 49+ pages of estate/inheritance IRS forms. Man, am I excited! 706 HERE I COME!!

I started watching Ugly Betty today. Screaming copy of Devil Wears Prada, yes? But, nevertheless, I like it still.

get carried away with the process of healing.

Okay, so this is worse than PMS my emotions are so out of wack now. Yesterday I went to bed feeling okay... then throughout the night I couldn't sleep.

I've never been so heartbroken in my life. This sucks. It really does. I hate seeing everyone so damn happy. And me... feeling like absolute shit. And I'm not saying that I'm not happy for my friends, I am! But, I just look at them and then look at me... and well it just sucks so much. I can't help think that I should be happy too or that I deserve to be happy. Selfish? Yes. It's only the 2nd day of classes, and I'm not looking foward to spring semester at all.

So maybe I did grow up a little bit... but I still feel horrible. :(
I need some Marc, Miu, and Stella in my life right now...

give me a reason to break the tradition.

I always fall back to saying that everything happens for a reason. And most of the time, I don't believe this. I just say it for the sake of thinking that maybe, everything does work out in the end. But it is conforting to make yourself believe in it. This so doesn't make any sense, but whatevs.

"When the world zigs, I zag." - Seth Cohen, The O.C.
It's true, I finally zagged for the first time in my life. And you know what? I think I grew up a little today. :)

let's find a bar so dark we forget who we are.

So today was the worst day of my life. Pathetic, I know. And the funny thing is when I look back 30 years from now, I'll probably laugh. (Well, let's hope so.) Who knows? But for now, this sucks so fucking much. I don't think I've ever felt so heartbroken in my life.

And on top of that, I'm just wasting my life away. NYFW is February 2-9 and I might and/or had a slight opportunity to volunteer for IMG. Well maybe I'm pushing reality a little bit / a lot. But obviously even if I had this chance, I couldn't do it. And well this got me thinking...

I've always admired people who take huge risks. You know, for example's sake, people who are so set on something. This "freedom:" drop out of college, move to the city, get a job, try to mingle with the right people to "get noticed" / break into the business, live pennyless, ETC.

All I want to do is learn all I can about fashion. It's probably the only thing I care about. Now, what can I do about it? Absolutely nothing...

just a little insight won't make this right.

I'm heading back to Lehigh tomorrow morning for rush. Let's just say, it's going to be interesting to say the least. OH! I got my haircut, it's absolutely awful. And those who saw it... eck much? Hopefully it'll grow out? I finally went shopping today, not very productive though. But I realized how it is SO EASY to just blow a grand at any second. I really need to get a job for the sake of learning how hard it is to make money.

18? days DOES NOT qualify as a winter break. It just wasn't enough. I didn't accomplish everything I wanted to. Although I must admit, I am pretty sastisfied/self-fulfilled with the stuff I actually did.

Why can't we just live like this forever? No school. No worries. No jobs. No worries. Eat. Drink. Sleep. Play.

I wish I was in LA with ck. :(

and another chance to make it right.

I've missed you all? hah. I doubt anyone's reads this anyway except passerby-ers? Let's just say I've been busy/lazy. But, for those who know me, something has terribly gone wrong. I haven't been in ANY MOOD to go shopping. I just don't want to for some reason? I don't want to buy anything, but I know I'm in a desperate need for a new wardrobe. Fucked up, I know.

Anyway, I've been defunked into the most not normal sleeping patterns this whole break. I basically go to sleep at 5 in the morning, and wake up a little before 6pm. 4pm if I'm lucky. I have officially become nocturnal. And, also, what's up with the no snow lately? I haven't even been able to wear my sweet boots that I brought for the snowy weather.

Here's to a New Year!