sometimes my head wants to explode.

So I have to stop binge eating. It's pretty fucking nasty.

you really understand boundaries.

"But, babe, guys are always going to be there. This school isn't. It's more important. It has to be more important. You will kick your own butt later if you blow this." - GG

the more you say the more I'm at ease.

I'm so sick of the fucking printer system at Lehigh. Oh my god. Why did my printer run out of ink? And why did I forget to tell my dad to bring an ink cartridge when I had the chance too?

See right now I feel like I'm "behind" in stuff (hw etc) and that I have a lot of stuff to do/finish. But, I think that I'm actually like "good." But yeah, maybe I should just read my econ / envir sci chapters?

The parents came today which was really nice. Had a great conversation with both of them over dinner. And learned a lot about the family/secrets/drama that's beeng circulating recently. Now, I just have to read the 49+ pages of estate/inheritance IRS forms. Man, am I excited! 706 HERE I COME!!

I started watching Ugly Betty today. Screaming copy of Devil Wears Prada, yes? But, nevertheless, I like it still.

get carried away with the process of healing.

Okay, so this is worse than PMS my emotions are so out of wack now. Yesterday I went to bed feeling okay... then throughout the night I couldn't sleep.

I've never been so heartbroken in my life. This sucks. It really does. I hate seeing everyone so damn happy. And me... feeling like absolute shit. And I'm not saying that I'm not happy for my friends, I am! But, I just look at them and then look at me... and well it just sucks so much. I can't help think that I should be happy too or that I deserve to be happy. Selfish? Yes. It's only the 2nd day of classes, and I'm not looking foward to spring semester at all.

So maybe I did grow up a little bit... but I still feel horrible. :(
I need some Marc, Miu, and Stella in my life right now...

give me a reason to break the tradition.

I always fall back to saying that everything happens for a reason. And most of the time, I don't believe this. I just say it for the sake of thinking that maybe, everything does work out in the end. But it is conforting to make yourself believe in it. This so doesn't make any sense, but whatevs.

"When the world zigs, I zag." - Seth Cohen, The O.C.
It's true, I finally zagged for the first time in my life. And you know what? I think I grew up a little today. :)

let's find a bar so dark we forget who we are.

So today was the worst day of my life. Pathetic, I know. And the funny thing is when I look back 30 years from now, I'll probably laugh. (Well, let's hope so.) Who knows? But for now, this sucks so fucking much. I don't think I've ever felt so heartbroken in my life.

And on top of that, I'm just wasting my life away. NYFW is February 2-9 and I might and/or had a slight opportunity to volunteer for IMG. Well maybe I'm pushing reality a little bit / a lot. But obviously even if I had this chance, I couldn't do it. And well this got me thinking...

I've always admired people who take huge risks. You know, for example's sake, people who are so set on something. This "freedom:" drop out of college, move to the city, get a job, try to mingle with the right people to "get noticed" / break into the business, live pennyless, ETC.

All I want to do is learn all I can about fashion. It's probably the only thing I care about. Now, what can I do about it? Absolutely nothing...

just a little insight won't make this right.

I'm heading back to Lehigh tomorrow morning for rush. Let's just say, it's going to be interesting to say the least. OH! I got my haircut, it's absolutely awful. And those who saw it... eck much? Hopefully it'll grow out? I finally went shopping today, not very productive though. But I realized how it is SO EASY to just blow a grand at any second. I really need to get a job for the sake of learning how hard it is to make money.

18? days DOES NOT qualify as a winter break. It just wasn't enough. I didn't accomplish everything I wanted to. Although I must admit, I am pretty sastisfied/self-fulfilled with the stuff I actually did.

Why can't we just live like this forever? No school. No worries. No jobs. No worries. Eat. Drink. Sleep. Play.

I wish I was in LA with ck. :(

and another chance to make it right.

I've missed you all? hah. I doubt anyone's reads this anyway except passerby-ers? Let's just say I've been busy/lazy. But, for those who know me, something has terribly gone wrong. I haven't been in ANY MOOD to go shopping. I just don't want to for some reason? I don't want to buy anything, but I know I'm in a desperate need for a new wardrobe. Fucked up, I know.

Anyway, I've been defunked into the most not normal sleeping patterns this whole break. I basically go to sleep at 5 in the morning, and wake up a little before 6pm. 4pm if I'm lucky. I have officially become nocturnal. And, also, what's up with the no snow lately? I haven't even been able to wear my sweet boots that I brought for the snowy weather.

Here's to a New Year!