won't let us waste our lives away.

Now. The first few days aka 5 days of break consisted of me absolutely crashing from my "survive finals diet" of red bull, adderall, and diet coke. I never hit so low from anything before. Ever. It was bad. I basically passed out.

So when I finally got on track, I was slightly more productive. Okay. So you know how I had to get a new MacBook in the beg. of fall semester because I accidentally spilled diet rasberry snapple on my old lappy? Well, I didn't get the chance to upload my music. Anyways, I spent the entire semester with two albums on iTunes. B.Spears' Blackout and Radiohead's In Rainbow. Talk about a diverse collection. (And it explains why B. Spears' is #1 on my last.fm) So I've been trying to sort/upload/update my iTunes library. It's fucking impossible. And I'm being all anal and trying to get the folders by Artist > Albums. Ugh. Whatever, maybe I should just stick to radiohead+b.spears?

But good things: I did a lot of great shopping in a v.short amount of time. I mean, it frightens me how quickly I can drop a grand in a matter of a few stores (3 yesterday). Talent that I'm sure my dad certainly doesn't appreciate. It's just so bad. I love it all. And everything is just so pretty and whenever I walk into Bloomingdales I'm just overwhelmed by beauty. How the counters and the floors just glisten. Beautiful. An admirer of fashion. But, it takes money to make money. Or, atleast, despite the fact, you look good. A.Wintour would approve. And we all know how appearances are so important. But, I really need to learn how to manage my finances.

Nah, I'll save that for next year.

hopefully paris will change your life too.

So while doing the usual --let's look at everyone's away message slash AIM profile while I'm bored-- I realized I had to stop studying for finals. (Even though, I do believe I stopped studying today at like 2pm.) Seriously, don't be modest AKA LIE and tell me you don't AIM stalk too. Everyone does it, we're in the post-facebook stalker era. You know, when we all have to keep tabs on everyone else. Now, this brought me to a conclusion...

I find it a little bit funny that after four years of Lehigh, I will promise you that I won't be doing anything with my intended major. Now, you say... Wall Street. Who doesn't want to be on Wall Street? I mean that's a nice elite place and all, but I doubt I'll be there. Not because of "smarts," but pure lack of interest. I mean, I'm interested in the ~financials~, but not merely enough to devote my life to... aka looking at an updating clicker every 5 minutes.

I'm most likely going to be doing the shit what I'm doing now. Playing beruit at frat houses? Getting drunk off of L's gin buckets? Living in Uggs? Telling people what to buy. Blogging, for a living? Maybe it's not the $45,000+ dollar tuition a year I'm paying for out of my inheritance right now that is paying itself out in my Lehigh education. Maybe that $45,000 is paying for all the experiences I'm getting right now:

Learning how to make last cup.
Learning how the fuck to deal with girls.
Learning the difference between boyfriends and assholes.
Learning who my real friends are.
Learning to forgive and let go.
Still yet to learn how to pump my own gas.

Life is what I'm paying for. New experiences is what I'm paying for. I mean, it does make for a better entry, right? I think that the people who are most successful are the people who are genuinely happy. I really want to be one of those lucky assholes.

recap: The Hills finale sucked balls. No lie. But Lisa Love was refreshing, "It's my favorite city in the world. I ran away from home when I was 15 to go to Paris; it changed my life. Hopefully it'll change your life too. It's just magical. It's just a level of sophistication that you've never seen before. I think it'll be an incredibly inspiring trip for you." God love yah. Fucking FIERCE.

fuck the benz, what are you a soccer mom?

So I've been back at Lehigh since this past Wednesday. And it's already been a headache. If this is any indication of the school year, I'm going to be quite upset. I don't know where to begin, but let me start by saying how much of a push over I can be.

It's say how damn hypocritical people are. I just want to move to NYC and live there.

Ugh, classes start tomorrow and I'm so nervous/anxious/scared about my classes MY MAIN PROBLEM WITH COLLEGE IS BUYING TEXTBOOKS. Seriously, you've got to be shitting me when you want me to pay $160+ for a damn book that 1. is poorly written and 2. the teacher doesn't even use. Enough of that rant, not having a car truly sucks on campus. I want to go to Philly a couple times this year. Bethlehem just isn't doing it for me. Ugh.

It's been like 5 days already and I'm sick of the drama?
But I do love the whole "getting ready" thing... new notebooks, pens, hi-lighters.

What's ridiculous is not being a freshman and having new people who think they are "the shit" and have the right to be rude/not respectful. I mean, going out and seeing freshmen girls act all high and mighty and yell back at upperclassmen. Seriously, do you really want to do that?

Ugh, people just need to get hold of themselves and not get so overboard. You're not that ~*hot*~

meet me where 8th and ocean cross.

Can I even begin to digest no pun intended how much has happened in just 4 weeks? Sorry for the long hiatus, I've been too busyLAZY! You can thank me throwing up this entire morning for actually signing onto my laptop. But I've been meaning to update... you know when something occurs and all you think is, "Where's my wireless connection? I need to put this incredibly wise, head scratcher post up."

I've gone to thinking that all this "fashion is what defines you/find your own style blahblah" … all that Vogue and TeenCosmo "style on a budget" concept that any girl can have is a load of bs. Honestly, how can an 18 year old find any practicality in fashion let alone finding your personal style? No to Abercrombie tops and Bebe capris. Maybe I'm overlooking something major and this is all just a mistake, but how can I manage to find my style and actually execute and put it together when something I want for my look is a 200 plus Marc by Marc Jacobs blouse? Yes, I'll admit, maybe it has something to do with brand snobbery, but regardless, it's your own style. And most likely, your parent's money.

Now, my whole practicality argument. Fashion for me is just not practical. Style on a budget is impossible. And, I'm not saying that I want to fill my closets up with Chanel and Phillip Lim. But it's just so hypocritical to say that to be stylish, you've got to shell out so much money. I yearn for a pair of boots that cost 290 only to which I can’t wear in college because it will be a bitch to walk to class in and even so, going out on weekends is a no-no because no one would dare wear Blahniks to a college frat party.

So where am I stuck?

just a little insight won't make this right.

I'm heading back to Lehigh tomorrow morning for rush. Let's just say, it's going to be interesting to say the least. OH! I got my haircut, it's absolutely awful. And those who saw it... eck much? Hopefully it'll grow out? I finally went shopping today, not very productive though. But I realized how it is SO EASY to just blow a grand at any second. I really need to get a job for the sake of learning how hard it is to make money.

18? days DOES NOT qualify as a winter break. It just wasn't enough. I didn't accomplish everything I wanted to. Although I must admit, I am pretty sastisfied/self-fulfilled with the stuff I actually did.

Why can't we just live like this forever? No school. No worries. No jobs. No worries. Eat. Drink. Sleep. Play.

I wish I was in LA with ck. :(