Friday, March 30, 2007

about being honest with yourself.

Let me just clarify, if you haven't noticed already. I'm not a fan of confrontation. As much as I love drama, (the thing is) I am never the one to start it. 'Cause I'm classy like that! lol So everyone who thinks I'm a bitch... yes I am, but that's only if I don't like you. And that's why I love being a girl so much besides the purses, shoes, acessories, and dresses. The way we fight is absolutely, fantastically-stellar!

I can't believe I'm dedicating a whole entire post to this. But it's gotten to a point where it's rediculous. I'm not your fucking paparazzi. If you want pictures of your ugly self (for facebook), take your own camera out. K? I seriously don't need anymore files on my laptop of you. Don't abuse the fact that I carry my camera around. I have no patience for, "Oh, take a picture of me!" Seriously.

I've got to stop drinking diet coke. blerghhh

Monday, March 26, 2007

no answers for what was asked, you're all alone.

This weekend has probably beeen one of the hardest ever. I just want to say thank you to everyone who has been so supportive and there for me. It's tough and I'm not saying it's going to get any less 'harder.' Friday, the rain made it seem like the whole world was in mourning. Saturday, I don't know what to say... it was beautiful? and that's a stretch. Can something like that... a funeral, "a celebration of that remarkable individual" ... can that even be beautiful?

People say that time heals everything, but what is there to heal if someone isn't physically in your life everyday? What do you do with that apparent gap? Where do you go to replace that feeling? What do you do when you don't have that person you love? What do you do? What do you say? What you think? What do you feel?

You feel empty. That's for sure.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy.

Happy first day of spring! Minus the fact that it's cold and windy outside.

I've been an emotional fruitcake these past few days. I've just wanted to waste my life sleeping and/or napping. St. Patty's was fun, minus the shit loads of fucking snow that ruined half the original plans for the weekend. Stayed in on Friday after I got bad news. Ps: Thanks to all those people who actually care and give a damn about me. Sat... let's just say tequila still overcomes life's harshest battles.

Exams are this and the upcoming week and I could not be any more out-of-the-loop or NOT IN THE MOOD to study. I just want for it to be summer. We're in the long stretch. I still have yet to figure out wtf my plans are for Coachella, jw brought me tickets, but it's the shittest timing ever. Damn Lehigh exam scheduling! Speaking of Lehigh... I figured out romming/roommate for next year! Yay, kp! So excited for our PLAYBOY suite.

Shit, I should be studying for my envirosci exam tomorrow.

Not really breaking news, but it's not really a "ps:" I think I'm officially in love with my economics professor. He's Austrialian, good looking, oh did I mention he has a wife in NYC? My bad.

Friday, March 16, 2007

she's buying a stairway to heaven.

rest in peace 3/16/2007
If I could tell the world just one thing it would be that we're all okay. And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful and useless in times like these. - Jewel

I grew up with you taking care of me, even though you where the one who really need to be looked after. Our roles always managed to switch as I always seemed to be the one who looked after everyone else. I loved going to places with you beacuse you where always so generous and always looked at the good in people. You gave everyone the benefit of the doubt and I was always so skeptical about this. Your love for gambling rubbed off on me. You where always so strong and full of life. You spoiled me with your attention and, not surpisingly, I would get frustrated, annoyed, and perhaps took you for granted.

There was some much more ahead for you to see: to see me grow up, to see me accomplish all my life's goals, and for me to eventually find myself. Everything I do now, it is for you and you're always in my thoughts. You stood up for me when I was pushed by other influences and when I was making some bad decisions. And for this, I thank you. You're my angel. I miss you and love you terribly.

that's what everyone's talking about.

So what's up with the weather? It was 75degrees on Wednesday and now it's snowing. Righttt! So much for putting away my Coach boots. Uhm, hopefully this weekend will be fun. Seriously, I'm not going to drink anymore until after all my exams are done. Haha. St Patty's day better make up for all the stress I'll have to deal with for the rest of the semester. Na and dvnb where supposed to come on Sat but I don't think they can. (?) We'll see about this. Missing out girls!

It's a long stretch til freshmen year is over. What else is there to look for? A couple of things. And some things that need fixing.

I've just been feeling so closed here. Maybe the city is really where I should belong. I mean everyone says that. There's only that much fun you can get from "the hill." So over it. Well except when there's hard liquor involved. hah USC was my #1 school, but the job placing sucks there. NYU's a close, but it's a bitch and 1/2 getting into Stern. If I was only smart enough to get into Upenn.

ac: You know you made it big when you go to a house party in the BRidge and some girls come up to you and say, "Holy shit, your picture is hanging in the Short Hills Nordstroms!" representHOLLA!

Sunday, March 11, 2007

but you don't know which page to turn to?

Spring break has come and gone. So much for my high hopes of catching up on school work. haha. I guess that's what today is for. I'm back at Lehigh and not liking how my college years will be jipped because of Lehigh's inability to give us more days off. Seriously, not cool.

Had a lot of fun. And became nocturnal as usual: get home at 5am, wake up at 5pm, and repeat. Oh man. Most people where still at school, but had fun at fit and others. Spent Fri and Sat with some high school kids at a "random hotel in dirty jerz." hah. And other unspeakable things.

One day back and I'm already off to a bad start. So much for not freaking out about this semester. Holy crap, I already have my envirosci exam next week. And then, econ and info system exams following. I am so not on top of things and from the looks of it, this is going to be pretty shitty.

ps: I'm never going to forget this past week. Sm, I miss you. Snort Blow 07=Poor life decisions.