...

If I don't get Dean's List this semester I might actually kill myself.

we won't stop until somebody calls the cops.

Life's been such a hot mess. I feel like I'm in one of those drug commercials. You know the one where the guy is standing in his bedroom and everything is happening around him. He's in a daze, but somehow, life is still going on.

That's me right now.

Half the crap that's going on around me seems worthless for me to bother with. I'm barely managing to get anything worth-while done. I just want to get the fuck out of Lehigh and be done with college. I'm so over it.

I just don't care. No. Screw that. I do care. But. It's complicated??

Also what the hell is up with Lehigh being ranked #1 in the country in Accounting? Thanks a lot. That helps me so much with my Finance and SCM degree. Ugh, why do I suck at life? More importantly, why do I suck so much at accounting. I mean, there would absolutely be no question to me majoring in it, if I was good. It wouldn't phase me a bit even if I absolutely hated it. #1 ranking is still a #1 ranking. But nope. Not only do I hate it, I also suck at it. haha I guess that solves my question of ever being an accounting major. Boo on not getting my $45+ grand worth of a Lehigh business degree.

killing in the name of love.

I've just been contemplating a bunch of things. Friends. Decisions. Life. I don't know. I've just been so on edge about everything... even though there's more important things that I should be focusing on. I mean, I guess in the greater scheme of things, they're more important. But when does my sanity come before something else? But, that's just it... the stupid stuff is getting me sidetracked.

What to do? I miss my friends. Boys are lame. I'm so sick of Lehigh. I have to start eating coke sandwiches.

Uggh. just upset. about. life.

hopefully paris will change your life too.

So while doing the usual --let's look at everyone's away message slash AIM profile while I'm bored-- I realized I had to stop studying for finals. (Even though, I do believe I stopped studying today at like 2pm.) Seriously, don't be modest AKA LIE and tell me you don't AIM stalk too. Everyone does it, we're in the post-facebook stalker era. You know, when we all have to keep tabs on everyone else. Now, this brought me to a conclusion...

I find it a little bit funny that after four years of Lehigh, I will promise you that I won't be doing anything with my intended major. Now, you say... Wall Street. Who doesn't want to be on Wall Street? I mean that's a nice elite place and all, but I doubt I'll be there. Not because of "smarts," but pure lack of interest. I mean, I'm interested in the ~financials~, but not merely enough to devote my life to... aka looking at an updating clicker every 5 minutes.

I'm most likely going to be doing the shit what I'm doing now. Playing beruit at frat houses? Getting drunk off of L's gin buckets? Living in Uggs? Telling people what to buy. Blogging, for a living? Maybe it's not the $45,000+ dollar tuition a year I'm paying for out of my inheritance right now that is paying itself out in my Lehigh education. Maybe that $45,000 is paying for all the experiences I'm getting right now:

Learning how to make last cup.
Learning how the fuck to deal with girls.
Learning the difference between boyfriends and assholes.
Learning who my real friends are.
Learning to forgive and let go.
Still yet to learn how to pump my own gas.

Life is what I'm paying for. New experiences is what I'm paying for. I mean, it does make for a better entry, right? I think that the people who are most successful are the people who are genuinely happy. I really want to be one of those lucky assholes.

recap: The Hills finale sucked balls. No lie. But Lisa Love was refreshing, "It's my favorite city in the world. I ran away from home when I was 15 to go to Paris; it changed my life. Hopefully it'll change your life too. It's just magical. It's just a level of sophistication that you've never seen before. I think it'll be an incredibly inspiring trip for you." God love yah. Fucking FIERCE.

you can stand under my turkey.

I really enjoy Thanksgiving and even though (for the sake of generalizing) it's lost all meaning, I still manage to sit with my cup of tea, a cigarette (in my dreams, I'm at home), my macbook, and reflect on what I love about my life or the wonderfulness that lessens the horribleness in my life just a little bit.

1. My Uggs- classic short in chocolate. Seriously, the only reason why I love these fucks is because when it's a chilly (usually hungover) morning, I can slip these on and walk to my class. Lehigh is just that much better when you're on my feet. And football games. Well, Lehigh/Laf, you've managed to do your job. Honestly, the marginal utility that I get from you. That satisfaction is worth the $119.95 price.

2. Vanessa and Debra for teaching me the Soulja Boy dance. Honestly, no frat party OR ANY PARTY FOR THAT MATTER is a party without some asshole cranking that shit on loud. Yes, ma'am, I sure would like to "superman that ho."

3. Whowhatweardaily.com Seriously. LOVE this place. I look forward to their newsletters everyday! What they wore esp. I found out that Lilo ows a lot of the same stuff that I own. Plus, Peaches G is my fav. God love yah!

4. Gossip Girl. Blair is UES chic in a heartbeat. I grew up with girls like this. I'm best friends with a Nate, but truthfully I love the assholes. Chuck Bass if my type of guy. You and your scarves tease me. Honestly, I think this is going to be bigger than The O.C. because atleast the writers have a plot to which they can sort of follow. The O.C. was just a huge plot mess. AND HANDS DOWN, THE CLOTHES ARE SO MUCH BETTER ON GG. Plus, it's really cute when you see everyone referring to each other by their initials.

5. Life. And the miraculous privileges and opportunities it offers you. With that said, I leave you with pictures from this past weekend aka Lehigh/Laf.

Gossip Girl is watching,
xoxo j

he was a rebel without a cause.

It really sucks when your friends have to turn to your blog to figure out what's going on in your life. Sorry about that. School is like killing/raping/murdering me right now... it's examination week and I manage to focus my time (ie LAST NIGHT) on spring break destinations. Seriously. I've pretty much screwed up this semester and am at the point where I' m a lost cause. Right now, I'm just walking to class, sitting there and trying to stay awake, going back to my house, sleeping, and smoking my lungs out.

You know how people are like, "you usually change your major atleast once" while in school or whatever. Well, I laughed that bs off because I thought I knew since I was little what I wanted to do with my life... and apparently at Lehigh. Double major in Finance and Supply Chain Mgt. Intern at Neimans/Saks. Do editoral work for Condé Nast. Be a buyer for Bergdorf. So basically what I want to do with my life... doesn't really match up with the $45grand I'm spending at Lehigh for my degree. I mean, SCM kinda (and I'm pushing that) has to deal with buying. But there's a big dif between fashion forecasting and predicting how much steel you need for a Boeing airplane.

I might just do Supply Chain Mgt and Journalism. Or communication. I don't know yet. But, I need the Finance major or that $45grand goes for nothing. SCM is pretty much bs. It just pisses me off that I still have to suffer through shit like accounting. I mean, yes, everyone needs a general idea of what accounting is, but I spend an entire day on 5 problems. It's kind of ridiculous.

Or maybe, I should just drop out of school.
Move to NYC or LA.
Go around town on a bike and/or public transportation.
Live off my parents' money.
Do charity work by day.
At night
Smoke and become a hipster.
Get ridiculously skinny like old times by not eating.
That will be my contribution to mankind.
I'll have so much time to update my blog.

... it sure beats reading about "lehigh"

Ugh. I have to figure out my spring schedule. Not. Fun.

fuck the benz, what are you a soccer mom?

So I've been back at Lehigh since this past Wednesday. And it's already been a headache. If this is any indication of the school year, I'm going to be quite upset. I don't know where to begin, but let me start by saying how much of a push over I can be.

It's say how damn hypocritical people are. I just want to move to NYC and live there.

Ugh, classes start tomorrow and I'm so nervous/anxious/scared about my classes MY MAIN PROBLEM WITH COLLEGE IS BUYING TEXTBOOKS. Seriously, you've got to be shitting me when you want me to pay $160+ for a damn book that 1. is poorly written and 2. the teacher doesn't even use. Enough of that rant, not having a car truly sucks on campus. I want to go to Philly a couple times this year. Bethlehem just isn't doing it for me. Ugh.

It's been like 5 days already and I'm sick of the drama?
But I do love the whole "getting ready" thing... new notebooks, pens, hi-lighters.

What's ridiculous is not being a freshman and having new people who think they are "the shit" and have the right to be rude/not respectful. I mean, going out and seeing freshmen girls act all high and mighty and yell back at upperclassmen. Seriously, do you really want to do that?

Ugh, people just need to get hold of themselves and not get so overboard. You're not that ~*hot*~

if you ain't got no money take yo broke ass home.

Wow, it's been a while since my last post. Not that there's really much reader following, but hey a girl can dream. lolz! Now, my freshmen year at uni is officially over. Well almost, I'm sitting in the libs right now. I'm leaving tomorrow, and still have yet to pack. Which honestly, I don't know how to begin/start/DO. Lame, I know.

These past "year" has been quite interesting. I don't even know where to being-- and honestly I think the whole experience is too "there are no words to sum up everything" because I know once I even attempt to write a whole post about the past few months, I WILL forget/leave something out. And I just don't have the patience to sort out everything.

Let's just say, it's been a soul searching worth-while trip. I've learned a lot (about myself, my friends, my relationships, etc) this year. And hopefully, I grew up a little bit. It's been painful, tough, fun, bitter-sweet. I'm going to miss this year.

ps: SCREW all my friends who went to Coachella. I guess I just don't have the balls to pull something like that off. Next year maybe? I'll work on it.

pps: I'll have a summer post next. Don't fret mates.

i want to read good news, good news.

1. FINISH MY PAPER
2. PROOFREAD IT
3. PROOFREAD THREE OTHERS
4. WRITE A INTRO AND CONCLUSION
5. ADD IN TRANSITIONAL SENTENCES WHERE NECESSARY
6. MAKE A POWERPOINT
7. STUDY FOR CHINESE EXAM TOMORROW
8. STUDY FOR ENVIROSCI EXAM THURSDAY
9. GET SHITFACED ON THURSDAY, 4PM BC I DID WELL ON ALL MY ACADEMIC STUFF THIS WEEK.
10. OR GET SHITFACED TO FORGET HOW BADLY OF A FAILURE I AM.

PS: MOM 2, JESS 4!

with my friends in the new mercedes-benz.

Things to look foward too!

• GREEK WEEK! (even though I won't be able to drink)
  
• chinese essay
• chinese exam
• envirosci exam
• econ problem set
  
• bis111 project/paper/presentation thing
• theta FORMAL!
• alumnae tea party
• senior appreciation week!
  
• english final paper
• last day of classes!
• FINAL EXAMS!
  
• economics final
  
• envirosci final
  

Please call me to keep me sane. Thanks.

roll down with abandon and no understanding.

So yet again, I'm at lindy. Surprise, surprise? Anyway, today was fall07 registration, which I just barely survived. I'm waitlisted for 1 class that I need bc of the professor. lol, lame. Even more to be upset about, I'm pissed that I didn't get an A on my last econ 4o'clock. Yeah. Blergh, I should have done better than that. There's nothing worse than letting yourself down.

I've been going to bed at 2am these past days. Argh.

if it's true then tell me how it got this way.

• It's April. It snowed.
• Fall 07 registration is Tuesday. All the class I want/plan on taking are MWF. I can't make a half decent schedule. Well, either I get good teachers and have all my 5 classes on MWF with the likely possibility of an 8am-er. Or I get the bad teachers and have a more "normal" schedule. Looks like my sophomore fall semester is going to suck ass. HELLO 8AM AND 5 STRAIGHT CLASSES!
  
• I have an interview with Nordstroms on May 14th!

edit/ So yeah, I just really looked at the scheduling for next year. I'm so screwed. I can't even possibly have a schedule with the best teachers. This sucks. I seriously would do 8-4 MWF if I could have the best teachers. I don't care now. Damnit bitches.

the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy.

Happy first day of spring! Minus the fact that it's cold and windy outside.

I've been an emotional fruitcake these past few days. I've just wanted to waste my life sleeping and/or napping. St. Patty's was fun, minus the shit loads of fucking snow that ruined half the original plans for the weekend. Stayed in on Friday after I got bad news. Ps: Thanks to all those people who actually care and give a damn about me. Sat... let's just say tequila still overcomes life's harshest battles.

Exams are this and the upcoming week and I could not be any more out-of-the-loop or NOT IN THE MOOD to study. I just want for it to be summer. We're in the long stretch. I still have yet to figure out wtf my plans are for Coachella, jw brought me tickets, but it's the shittest timing ever. Damn Lehigh exam scheduling! Speaking of Lehigh... I figured out romming/roommate for next year! Yay, kp! So excited for our PLAYBOY suite.

Shit, I should be studying for my envirosci exam tomorrow.

Not really breaking news, but it's not really a "ps:" I think I'm officially in love with my economics professor. He's Austrialian, good looking, oh did I mention he has a wife in NYC? My bad.

that's what everyone's talking about.

So what's up with the weather? It was 75degrees on Wednesday and now it's snowing. Righttt! So much for putting away my Coach boots. Uhm, hopefully this weekend will be fun. Seriously, I'm not going to drink anymore until after all my exams are done. Haha. St Patty's day better make up for all the stress I'll have to deal with for the rest of the semester. Na and dvnb where supposed to come on Sat but I don't think they can. (?) We'll see about this. Missing out girls!

It's a long stretch til freshmen year is over. What else is there to look for? A couple of things. And some things that need fixing.

I've just been feeling so closed here. Maybe the city is really where I should belong. I mean everyone says that. There's only that much fun you can get from "the hill." So over it. Well except when there's hard liquor involved. hah USC was my #1 school, but the job placing sucks there. NYU's a close, but it's a bitch and 1/2 getting into Stern. If I was only smart enough to get into Upenn.

ac: You know you made it big when you go to a house party in the BRidge and some girls come up to you and say, "Holy shit, your picture is hanging in the Short Hills Nordstroms!" representHOLLA!

but you don't know which page to turn to?

Spring break has come and gone. So much for my high hopes of catching up on school work. haha. I guess that's what today is for. I'm back at Lehigh and not liking how my college years will be jipped because of Lehigh's inability to give us more days off. Seriously, not cool.

Had a lot of fun. And became nocturnal as usual: get home at 5am, wake up at 5pm, and repeat. Oh man. Most people where still at school, but had fun at fit and others. Spent Fri and Sat with some high school kids at a "random hotel in dirty jerz." hah. And other unspeakable things.

One day back and I'm already off to a bad start. So much for not freaking out about this semester. Holy crap, I already have my envirosci exam next week. And then, econ and info system exams following. I am so not on top of things and from the looks of it, this is going to be pretty shitty.

ps: I'm never going to forget this past week. Sm, I miss you. Snort Blow 07=Poor life decisions.

ego's attempt to make it all clean and nice.

So today roughly 6pm I signed away my soul for $515.

Fuck, I really want to puke. Stress=massive amounts of coffee and no food. I really don't feel well. My stomach hurts. Hopefully I'll pass out by the end of these next 2 weeks.

so lock the kids up safe tonight.

So the weekend's over, back to work/exams/school/being overly-stressed. Ugh, my stomach hurts like a bitch. I really haven't been feeling well. I'm like emotionally and physically exhausted. Mentally I need a break. I just want to not be tied down by hour and have the freedom to do whatever I want. The whole p-thing is coming full circle, I just need to suck it up (for the time remaining). I guess I'm happy. Still indecisive.

Haven't been keeping up with London FW, but I'll probably skim through the collections this weekend. I miss my magazines, friends, and my house. Most likely I'll be coming home too! YAY!

Happy Chinese New Year, btw.

doctor to shake a waking nightmare.

I'm dreading these next two weeks. I've been extra overly-anal about it, making up 3982394 schedules of days by the hour. Yes. That's me! Anyway, if there is someone out there who wants me to succeed in life this greater power better make sure that I make it through. I just want time to stop so I can seriously fix up all the broken things in my life. And that does include cleaning my insanely messy room. Anal/OCD isn't really a good shade for me. GBYE SANITY.

Went to the mall on Sat with dh, is, and lw... it was pretty fun spending the whole day with them. Got shittarted as ac uses it. Earlier that day we where doing the whole p-thing. Drama unfolded, yet again. Didn't make the dance team tryouts on Sun- but that just enforces the fact that I'm an ex-ballerina circa 6 years. But... I am looking foward to Sat as hopefully it will be a good night/time. Still debating the Nicole Miller dress/wanting to go back to the mall/knowing I should spend that time studying for exams.

But, in all this chaos, let us not remember the "good ole days." Oh President's Day weekend '06, how do I miss you. RIP. Yes, I'll be thinking about you. There's always next year? I'll probably make another post regarding this... but honestly, IT'S FUNNY HOW MUCH THINGS CHANGE IN A YEAR. I'm so sad about this- it just sucks so much. And everything else is just going downhill.

ps: And yet another reason why it sucks to be attending university in Bethlehem, PA.
1) freezing cold temperature 2) wind that never gives up 3) absolutely no snow days 4) classes still held during four o'clock exams 5) missing hitting the la scene 6) not getting photographed

gone and you'll be going nowhere fast.

I want to go to Coachella so badly! So much for the 249+ price tag and airfare. And the fact that I'll prob have to stay with ck or ml. But then I'll finally end up on lj as that azn that disappeared oh-so-suddenly. Lovesloves.

This weekend was bad/good. I'm never the one to get into details, but what's done is done. The only productive thing I did last week was my fucking laundry. And I still have yet to take it out of the basket and put it in my closet/drawers. I have reached a new (laziness) low. I've missed 2 econ lectures in a row. FUCK.

I want to go to Melbourne to visit a friend. Seriously it would be so damn sick/fun. We'd go shopping, clubbing, and bar-hopping. It's damn tempting, I'm not gonna lie. But going alone is pretty sketchy.

PS: I drank coffee. Eh fuck that.

the more you say the more I'm at ease.

I'm so sick of the fucking printer system at Lehigh. Oh my god. Why did my printer run out of ink? And why did I forget to tell my dad to bring an ink cartridge when I had the chance too?

See right now I feel like I'm "behind" in stuff (hw etc) and that I have a lot of stuff to do/finish. But, I think that I'm actually like "good." But yeah, maybe I should just read my econ / envir sci chapters?

The parents came today which was really nice. Had a great conversation with both of them over dinner. And learned a lot about the family/secrets/drama that's beeng circulating recently. Now, I just have to read the 49+ pages of estate/inheritance IRS forms. Man, am I excited! 706 HERE I COME!!

I started watching Ugly Betty today. Screaming copy of Devil Wears Prada, yes? But, nevertheless, I like it still.