up in the gym just working on my fitness.

I've always found it so interesting to ask why and when people started their bad habits. That said, I'm referring more specifically to smoking cigarettes. I remember sitting in fifth grade and having Officer Bob come in for those D.A.R.E programs... you know how it goes.

Say no to drugs.
Smoking kills.
Cocaine is bad.
Don't smoke pot.

But D.A.R.E. was a great first plunge into the "badness" of drugs. I think there should always be public funding for that program because it's good. I mean, I obviously can't argue the fact that smoking cigs are bad. But there's that superiority complex that I (and most people) have. "Oh, yes I smoke, but I'm not addicted!" And this brings me up to the funny and oh-so-lame story about why/when I started smoking.

I went to California for Spring Break, went to a club, saw some really badass looking people smoking. I mean, everyone who is anything smoked. These people where wearing pink tights, Milly tops, and carrying Chanel bags. That was the ~allure~ like a social status. Holding a Marlboro Light in between your index and middle finger, slowing moving it towards your mouth, inhaling, moving your hand, and exhaling. It's just such a sensual movement. And so classy.

Many people are surprised when they see me light up.
I consider myself a social smoker. You know, someone offers me a cig, I accept and smoke with them. I keep a pack on me nowadays, but I never smoke by myself. I mean, it took me a year to actually buy a pack for myself.

So when I smoke, I know that I'm doing something really bad for myself, but again, that complex just kicks in. "I'm not addicted. I'm a social smoker. I have will power so I won't be one of those people who smokes a pack a day. It's for fun. I just like the feel of it." All of which seem like pretty big flags for someone who is addicted. But, honestly, I'm not addicted to the nicotine just the appeal that I think it brings.

And that thing, that thing that I've scumbled to is the main thing to which I believe despite D.A.R.E.'s great presence in schools today, there's still a huge flaw. Teenage smoking is increasing in prevailing numbers. What's wrong with those D.A.R.E programs is that they aren't there to tell you that you don't or you won't feel just "that much cooler" by smoking a cigarette.

Sure it's bad, but what business gets done over eating a stick of celery?

you and me could change the world.

This whole thing about me getting a job and taking courses is not turning out as smoothly as I originally planned. But I'm not going to bitch about that nonsense.

Nordstrom is fun, commission based sales is a bitch yet quite exciting. I'd rather do personal shopping but I have already started to lease my talents out... $20/hour and I'll revamp your entire wardrobe or find the perfect ensemble for you to wear to somewhere ~*fancy*~!

Social life is keep-keepkeeping alive... hah I barely have anytime to relax, let alone see anyone but I'm getting there. My loverly ki, sm, and others this past weekend. It was fun. And obvi the daily sex & the city gang. Okies that will do... I'm way to bothered to actually upload/post pictures.

Lazy.

ps: Oh and it kinda bugs me that Lily Allen thinks she's ugly/not pretty. Yeah, just bugs me a litle bit...

pps: Shameless promotion, JUNE 6 = Nordstrom Women + Children sale. GO GO GO!

i want to read good news, good news.

1. FINISH MY PAPER
2. PROOFREAD IT
3. PROOFREAD THREE OTHERS
4. WRITE A INTRO AND CONCLUSION
5. ADD IN TRANSITIONAL SENTENCES WHERE NECESSARY
6. MAKE A POWERPOINT
7. STUDY FOR CHINESE EXAM TOMORROW
8. STUDY FOR ENVIROSCI EXAM THURSDAY
9. GET SHITFACED ON THURSDAY, 4PM BC I DID WELL ON ALL MY ACADEMIC STUFF THIS WEEK.
10. OR GET SHITFACED TO FORGET HOW BADLY OF A FAILURE I AM.

PS: MOM 2, JESS 4!

just call me paris and hold your flash.

Call it karma or bad luck, but something's wrong. I feel my world is not in balance and I can't put my finger on why. I can't shake this feeling... it's been going for a while and it's driving me nuts. I just keep on getting fucked over/screwed etc. This is just not fair WHAT THE FUCK.

It's just rediculous. I've become so damn nice and everything this semester. Been the perfect person and stuff. But seriously everything's is just out of place. Life is just screwing me so badly. And it just sucks. On top if it... I just want to puke my brains out. And I look like shit and I like a boy.

I applied online for a job/internship this weekend at Nordstroms one at Anthropologie. I got called by Nordstroms today, she left a vm. But yeah, apparently the internship is for people entering their senior year. Which she so mentioned was 'their fault' and that I should call her. Fuck! But yeah, I guess I'll just get a sales job there. And I'm def taking courses to get ahead with my major. This summer is going to be interesting. I'm sort of excited.

Why am I dealing with this shit? Just suck it up ok. Three more years of just working your ass off, 3 more years before you're out of PA, and 3 more years before you get your dream job. And hopefully go to grad school at Upenn.

but you don't know which page to turn to?

Spring break has come and gone. So much for my high hopes of catching up on school work. haha. I guess that's what today is for. I'm back at Lehigh and not liking how my college years will be jipped because of Lehigh's inability to give us more days off. Seriously, not cool.

Had a lot of fun. And became nocturnal as usual: get home at 5am, wake up at 5pm, and repeat. Oh man. Most people where still at school, but had fun at fit and others. Spent Fri and Sat with some high school kids at a "random hotel in dirty jerz." hah. And other unspeakable things.

One day back and I'm already off to a bad start. So much for not freaking out about this semester. Holy crap, I already have my envirosci exam next week. And then, econ and info system exams following. I am so not on top of things and from the looks of it, this is going to be pretty shitty.

ps: I'm never going to forget this past week. Sm, I miss you. Snort Blow 07=Poor life decisions.