so why can't I turn off the radio?

Phillip Lim: effortless, wearable, chic, stroll in the city.
Jill Staurt: modernality Russian crisp silhouettes.
Chris Benz: toned colour usage and worthy of mustard yellow.
Naeem Khan: extreme in it's finest length.
Oscar de la Renta: disorganized collection overall, but pieces in and of itself are ageless.
Marc Jacobs: ironically simple, one dimensioned, intentional concept to which sets fashion week.

or did she ever really matter?

So today I had my last cup of Starbucks. I really am going to stop drinking coffee because 1) I've either become immune to the caffeine or 2) it just screws me up.

I had to force myself to go to class today. I love how I just wear sweats now, so badass right? My room's a mess and I'm too lazy actually to do laundry. It's not turn into a huge bet to see how long it will last. I guess I'll do it tomorrow. Lately I've become way overstressed/scheduled. The whole p-thing is taking it's toll on me. I just hate not being in control over stuff I want to do and etc.

Fuck not attending college in NYC... I want to go to Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week so damn badly but I can't miss classes. What sucks even more is that the shows I want to see are all during the weekdays (ie: de la Renta 2/5, Zac Posen 2/8). And Marc Jacobs is sopposed to be doing a private showing, to which I'll be missing out. Completely not cool. We'll see scheduling. And there's also the whole PresDay weekend: Boston, MA or Bethlehem, PA?

let's find a bar so dark we forget who we are.

So today was the worst day of my life. Pathetic, I know. And the funny thing is when I look back 30 years from now, I'll probably laugh. (Well, let's hope so.) Who knows? But for now, this sucks so fucking much. I don't think I've ever felt so heartbroken in my life.

And on top of that, I'm just wasting my life away. NYFW is February 2-9 and I might and/or had a slight opportunity to volunteer for IMG. Well maybe I'm pushing reality a little bit / a lot. But obviously even if I had this chance, I couldn't do it. And well this got me thinking...

I've always admired people who take huge risks. You know, for example's sake, people who are so set on something. This "freedom:" drop out of college, move to the city, get a job, try to mingle with the right people to "get noticed" / break into the business, live pennyless, ETC.

All I want to do is learn all I can about fashion. It's probably the only thing I care about. Now, what can I do about it? Absolutely nothing...