makes us harder, faster, better, stronger.

It's been one year. And it's been terrible without you. Sometimes I'll be walking to class or laying in bed right before going to bed and you just cross my mind and I become overwhelmed with grief. Or maybe I'll see something that reminds me of us. Or when I'm shopping I'll see something I think you'd like. Or fresh flowers. That's a big one. I love you and miss you terribly. I know you're looking over me and I just hope someday that I'll be able to see you again.

RIP 3/16/07

someone who can bring me back to you.

I started crying/tearing up while working at Nordstrom today. I saw a little Asian girl with her parents and her grandmother sitting by the cafe eating. I mean, I was just watching their every action and slowly becoming so insanely jealous of that little baby. Creepy, I know, but I miss my grandmother so much.

no answers for what was asked, you're all alone.

This weekend has probably beeen one of the hardest ever. I just want to say thank you to everyone who has been so supportive and there for me. It's tough and I'm not saying it's going to get any less 'harder.' Friday, the rain made it seem like the whole world was in mourning. Saturday, I don't know what to say... it was beautiful? and that's a stretch. Can something like that... a funeral, "a celebration of that remarkable individual" ... can that even be beautiful?

People say that time heals everything, but what is there to heal if someone isn't physically in your life everyday? What do you do with that apparent gap? Where do you go to replace that feeling? What do you do when you don't have that person you love? What do you do? What do you say? What you think? What do you feel?

You feel empty. That's for sure.

she's buying a stairway to heaven.

rest in peace 3/16/2007

If I could tell the world just one thing it would be that we're all okay. And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful and useless in times like these. - Jewel

I grew up with you taking care of me, even though you where the one who really need to be looked after. Our roles always managed to switch as I always seemed to be the one who looked after everyone else. I loved going to places with you beacuse you where always so generous and always looked at the good in people. You gave everyone the benefit of the doubt and I was always so skeptical about this. Your love for gambling rubbed off on me. You where always so strong and full of life. You spoiled me with your attention and, not surpisingly, I would get frustrated, annoyed, and perhaps took you for granted.

There was some much more ahead for you to see: to see me grow up, to see me accomplish all my life's goals, and for me to eventually find myself. Everything I do now, it is for you and you're always in my thoughts. You stood up for me when I was pushed by other influences and when I was making some bad decisions. And for this, I thank you. You're my angel. I miss you and love you terribly.